At one point, I thought I could say I knew some of the greatest men to ever walk this earth. Me. Little ol me....have seen them with my own eyes (so I thought)...and so to my own comfort I would reassure myself, "It's okay to fall in love here." Somewhere in time, I watched every one of them commit some sort of heinous crime of Jackass-ish proportions that often fell upon most mere men that stood around them. I guess I assumed their promise or that pure place in their heart remained in tact, making them incapable of partaking in such actions that appear "heartless." I'll always understand our humanness, our ability to fall, fail, make mistakes, forever living in imperfection, gradually moving towards it though never really obtaining it. But in my heart of hearts, there is a standard the human soul should rest in and excuses don't cut it. There is a thick line between soulful and soul-less. You can't easily fall between the two, you're either one or the other and intention is everything. No matter how great a man is, with bad intentions, he's the most disappointing thing I'll ever see. My expectations are not unrealistic, good character plus good soul equals special human being. I understand what this kind of man is capable or incapable of and once a capable man does incapable things well he's just your average Joe shmoe never to be more than what you know he could be. At some point, there truth is compromised and their soul forfeited and you just watch them give up this greatness they could of had. IDK...maybe someone broke their heart (maybe I did), maybe they were just tired of being the good guy but its sad when you see the good guy go bad. That happens more with men than women I've noticed. It's like a light switch. One day they turn it off or on... like it's the easiest thing in the world. No matter how cold the world is, I'll never know how you can just decide you'll turn your heart on or off.
Anyway I just happened to notice this with a guy I used to know because I saw him recently lol but I mean it was just great to see him again. It felt like 20 years had passed when in reality, I think maybe three years. That's the way it felt because when you go from being super close to someone to super distant (like galaxies apart) it makes the time apart seem much longer than it really is. The reunion was pretty much great and horrible at the same time because after you see their face, the reality sets in on who they've actually become and suddenly the recognizable is unrecognizable all in one setting. The crazy thing is, no matter how cruel he is from something I did ions ago or how cruel he thinks I am for doing it or how cruel I thought he was for doing things, I'll always love the guy because that's love in its whole-hearted truthfulness. The day I stop loving anyone for what they did or because they stop loving me is the day I no longer understand what love really means...
