Somedays it seems as though power is sold at the 99 cent store. All of a sudden everybodies got some. Whether they buy one or store up on a years supply, everybody wants to put it on and wear it. "Where did you get your power girl?" "Man, you lookin good with that power on son!" Thats what I hear them say. Everytime I turn around someone wants to control someone; be in control of something. You've seen them: campus cops, employees you work with, hospitals, DMVs, and even friends...the point is, everyone wants to own some power to feel as though they are more important than you like the air they breathe is a birth right while you gotta pay for yours. Most people don't even have the power or authority to do or say the things they do. It just kills me that people are able to use knowledge of a certain area that many are not as knowledgeable in to hang it over their heads like a magician performing same sort of control hypnosis. Everytime someone scoops up the last crumbs of power that someone left behind, I wish I would have swept the floor first because I tend to forget...people are greedy when it comes to leftovers...licking the floor. Many people want to be a leader but lack so severly the proper and just way to be one. Their intentions are wrong, their heart is wrong, their motives are all wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! I just want to tell some people to SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE, shut up, and just follow for once. There's such a wanting to be acknowledged and worshipped that I just get so worried about the state of mankind. We're trying to apply to positions we're not necessarily qualified for OR prepared to get. When you do it for the wrong reasons, corruption is easy to find you and takeover your mind before you even begin to fathom that it was lost in the first place. Yep, your mind just got hijacked and your crashed in the pentagon staring out of a broken plane-lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground! These desperate attempts to use the little power they really don't have and pretend to use, gets on my nerves.
Today this older woman is talking to me all wrong and I almost forgot where I was and be like @#$##$%^#&$!!! (JK, not really but wouldn't that be funny if I did because ppl who know me could not picture it and I don't know if I could myself.) My initial reaction wasn't angry, I could of laughed to be honest with you-her poor excuse of power was hil-AR-rious but for the first time I recognized what it was and just left it alone. She touched my shoulder, smiled, and called me sweetie and I swear to you not... my mind fast forwarded so fast to the future where I broke her hand and through it across the building that by the time I came back to reality I realized I can still change the future before it could happen. So I looked at her with such control and calmness that I shocked myself. I have been known to not bite my tongue, if people become so rude and innappropiate in their communication that in my furry I have no other choice but to let my mouth breed the same attitude back-so be it. Rare but it does happen. I can't stand people who are disrespectful and just ill-mannered. Annoys me (I shudder the thought). The worst thing is to be antagonizing about it-I have very little pet peeves but this is one of them.
So the moral of the story is Power is NOT for everyone. Some people have no business near it because it is much more expensive than you realize and the price is far to high for all parties involved. We've seen whats happened to businesses, schools, churches, countries that are run by people in power who knew nothing about what they are doing. You can ruin lives... So save a life and just don't-please don't! There is a responsibilty and we have to be smarter than a third grader and realize when we need to sit this one out. Just because you see it on sale for 99 cents doesn't mean you have to buy it!
I was either daydreaming or simply dreaming when I saw myself crying on a mountaintop. I was hysterical with a stack of money in my hands standing at the farthest edge of the cliff. I raised the money in my hand and threw it as high as I could watching it attack the sky and then slowly it rained down. As I walked away, the money fell against the background of the sky, I kept walking just to be free of it. It felt like an escape. I felt like I knew where I was going and I was relieved. As the money came closer to the ground, a mob of people below were fighting but mostly they were fighting themselves in need of it. Completely dependent on it. Preying upon it like a lion to a gazelle or a zombie to blood. It was like a horror movie I survived.
I wish I could see this as true. They say get you a rich man! If only I could say this and this be true. They say a man is better than no man at all! Is that right? A good man can hold my heart but the right one can wear it. It could fit so perfectly and look like his own. Because it was made for him. A good man who holds my heart has the potential to drop it. Does fresh food not spoil? Does everything known to be good stay good? But a man who wears my heart can’t drop it. Nor would he risk breaking it. Can a man loose a heart if he wears it as his own? A rich man can buy my heart but the right one searched for my heart. Does a man who buys a heart care more about the cost or the heart? A man made out of money is money who made a man. If a man lost all his money, wouldn’t he be willing to sell a heart? If it was all he had, his last possession, in the name of money. Didn’t he already sell his own? If money gave birth to him and he birth money, will he not be devoted to what he has bore.
I'm not much of a cryer and I shamefully take pride in that. After 8th grade, I lost most of my will to care enough what people said, thought, or done to me to cry about it. Most of my experiences that I have undergone so far just hasn't packed enough punch to make me want to ball my eyes out. Some believe crying is a way to release all the built up emotions that have been bottled up inside and others see it as a sign of weakness. In the end, I think you should do whatever it takes to be healthy and happy.
My body has always taken the no-cry way out and I must say, I'm happy that I don't have to describe myself as a "cryer". Sometime ago I think, I decided that if I cried over a bad situation or aka " a boy" that I was giving it power and I didn't want anyone or anything controlling me. I was going to be the ruler of my emotions and not some random person who cussed me out, a friend I fought with, or even a boyfriend to control me. So here I am, crying like a baby when a sappy movie comes on or when I read a really good book, but life will have the toughest time with breaking me down with tears from my own life. Its not gonna happen and I think its because I've mastered what crying means to me.
The last time I had an all out cry was when my world felt broken, isolated, or for lack of better words, jacked up. It was the day I knew nothing would ever be the same. I was 18, in the house by myself and I just flipped out. I cried, throwing objects and pillows all over the living room. It was a cry of hopelessness, of loss, of no more sunny days. Eventually, I realized my cries were pointless and I discovered crying was not beneficial in my own personal life. So I stopped the day God had proven time and time again that I will be ok. I don't cry because I know I don't have to and i'm glad because honestly I don't want to. I'm not saying I never cry because I definitely do and I will cry again but in most cases-I hardly cry.
This is not to say that people who cry are bad or are weak. Crying can be a great for people and important for their sanity, I completely get that. However, for me, crying has been a negative for my sanity. For me, crying makes life so much worse. After I identified its purpose in my life and discovered it was crippling me rather than aiding me, I let it go.
For me, I found that my ability to not cry had strengthend me in my faith and in my soul and only death serves as my kryptonite. When death comes toward me with those inevitable eyes, I cannot help but let my tears tremble slowly from my own eyes. When my grandmother died and recently when my mother was hospitalized, my tears would come without my permission and I realized I could not stop them. I could not control the power of death, it had wholly overtaken me but for some reason, I would not allow it to consume me. Our eyes would fight and I would not let death win. So tears would fall and I would wipe them away, regain my will to overcome its imitating stares, and focus on the power of God to take it from here. And He always does.
Crying is like kryptonite to me. Death is like kryptonite to me. I know if I let too much of it near me, if I let it cling on to me and get inside me, I will die because of it. And when I thought death was gunning for my mom, I was sure that it would be the end of me. My mom is probably the most important human being in my life and I thank God she's okay and that my kryptonite didn't kill me too. I realize that I need to prepare for the day when I cannot be Superwoman anymore. There will come a day when the kryptonite will work its way into my heart because everyone has a weakness and as long as you exist, so will your kryptonite. So it is my duty to decide that I will either fight against it no matter how weak I feel or let it corrode my soul and allow it to kill me.
Identify your own kryptonite and learn how to defeat it so it doesn't defeat you!
It's Monday afternoon and my friend says the perfect thing to me, "Do you want to go to the movies?" And I, like a cobra about to strike a little furry mouse, snap back, "Are you paying?" "Yeeeeaaa," he stretches out like I'm loosing my mind. "Hells yea," I scream ready to jump off the walls. But this is the deal, there are two things that will make me the happiest woman in the world and that is ofcourse, going to the movies or offering me some type of food. Preferably something sweet, even more preferably, ice cream or something of the chocolate sort. Its actually happened before, where I'll argue with my guy friend and he'll offer me some food and its like all of a sudden a "Men in Black" agent wipes my memory clean, like the argument never happenend. The power of providing me with a free movie and an abundant supply of deliciousness is ridiculous...I'll practically roll over and play dead. Hey, I'll go fetch a stick. You can practically have me wrapped around your little finger.
So I call my bestfriend because on top of that, he says he'll pay for her too and now that I think about it, I should've asked for a brand new car. And I'm pretty upset that only now did I think of that. Anyway, so the three of us head to the theatre to see ofcourse my recent addiction- book turned movie "Eat, Pray, Love." I read the book prior to seeing the movie because I know that books are usually better than the movie. Only because books can be much more detailed and thorough than a two hour movie can allow. Sometimes the movie versions cut out, edit, or add to, thus taking away the greatness of the story. In the end, I did enjoy the movie but I would recommend giving the book a read because yea, its better.
As we sit down to watch the movie, I'm amped with excitement ready to focus and concentrate on this huge screen that I'm fully prepared to pretend is my world for two hours until... Time out, ring the alarm, sound the friggin trumpets, my other two friends start chatting it up like we were in some public restuarant. What the hell! I was baffled, these crazy kids want to talk now, they weren't even talking like this in the previews. The opening credits begin and I take a deep breath and close my eyes and I told myself I can just zone them out. And that this knife called irritation is going to stop cutting me any minute now. Basically, that didn't work so I did what any normal person would do...I moved a couple seats down and acted like I didn't know them.
During the movie, there was some weird moments happening off screen like one of my friends randomly disappeared. I searched everywhere and was about to go CSI:SVU but just as I was about to get all Olivia Benson, she eventually turned up. Then my other friend I think may have cried or teared up but wouldn't admit it. Hey, personally I wouldn't have mind if he did. There's something very irresistible about a man who cries. For instance, remember when Matt Damon cried in Good Will Hunting, Denzel Washington in John Q, even Pacey Witter from Dawson's Creek. Men's men can every now again, release some tears. Its not illegal and given the right circumstance, its very sexy. Personally, I don't see what the problem is and why men just can't let go and stop caring about societies views on how men should act or behave and all that other blah, blah, blah...Men, I give you the cry pass, use it, embrace it k!
After the movie ended, we didn't exactly leave because of all the maze-like hallways and confusing exit signs that looked alot like the other doors to another movie. Silly us, we somehow found ourselves in a another movie-go figure. But I guess sometimes you just gotta go with the flow and the flow was Scott Pilgram vs. The World.
In front of us was a row of irritating high school boys who were so annoying I almost wanted to shove popcorn down their throat so maybe, just maybe, we could get some peace and quiet. Throughout the movie, they kept yelling their annoying little hearts out to get laughs that would never come. As the movie got weirder and cooler, we began to get into this quirky, hilariously dark humored, and visually stimulating movie. IDK if it was Scott Pilgram's 7 evil ex's he had to kill or the random ADD scenes within a scene like they do in Family Guy that made us start to act goofy and really get into this movie but I really liked it.
Unfortunately, we only stayed for an hour because my friend and I had been anticipating this new Step Up 3D movie. Seeing how we were unprepared for the 3D aspect of the movie, my handy dandy ninja friend went to the recycle ben of 3D glasses and succesfully grapped us a pair. I'm not ashamed because it wasn't me this particular time who committed such a heinous crime and I also didn't get my hand stuck either. But I would like to thank my friend for getting those glasses because if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have been able to enjoy those great scenes that made us feel as if we were dancing right alongside these characters even though we sat firmly in our comfortably laid back chairs.
Essentially, the movie was booooooo! Seriously, there were some good scenes here in there(which would be the dancing scenes)and because no one was in the movie, I got to get up and dance whenever I felt like it-always a positive. The two main white characters where the worst dancers of any of the step up movies. They need to find a new story because getting two white people to save the world one day at a time is getting much too old especially in dancing-thats going a little too far don't you think. However, If there was ever a reason for me to retract that last statement, it would be my white boyfriend Adam Sevani aka "Moose".
There's nothing like a nerdy looking guy who can dance. He's such a contradiction and I love it. I love him. The second "Step Up" movie didn't showcase his dancing the way the third one did and I enjoyed it. He's very talented. Ofcourse the So You Think You Can Dance dancers were in the movie and that was more than neat. All the sytycd geeks including myself would all agree. Always after a dance movie you want to dance so it wasn't surprising when me and my friend just decided to have a dance battle in the parking lot of the movie theater. I think he won but if I can defend myself, he was grinding and rolling all over the place like a snake in heat while I tried to tackle the aggressive krump that made me look like I was having epileptic seizures. It was a fun time though and I'm just glad we made it out because being lost in three movies before finding the real exit sign was Not cool. I'm just glad we made it alive.
I almost wanted to laugh...out loud...and in their face... but luckily, that handy dandy sympathetic part of me doesn't allow it. But I could feel the rumble vibrating my sides, ready to resonate to the the surface. So over the past couple of days, relationships have been kicking alot of a@$, my friends and families in particular because the same scenerio keeps popping up in our conversations, some of which I witnessed myself. I almost forgot how dramatic and intense relationships can be with people and the reason I forgot is because I'm singlely drama-free. For once, I'm thankful for that!
Relationships, like most things, have their highs and lows and their joys and pains. The good and the bad are unavoidable in relationships and you have to grow to accept that you can't have one without the other-you gotta take it all in stride. Ok, get it, got it, good. However, some stuff you gotta let go, its just too deep. There is a point in relationships that you need to re-evaluate and say, is this really worth the trouble, effort, time, and exhaustion.
Most importantly is this worth THE FREAK OUT!
In a relationship at some point or another, someone is going to commit a questionable act. So as your suspician arises, your trying to determine if their cheating, sneaking behind your back, or sending out mysterious messages. Sure enough, you jump to conclusions way too fast and already the ugliest and meanest part of you presents itself. It's almost as if we put a ban on logic and reason, denying access to the place we're about to go. There's finally an excuse to free the rage that has been built up inside. Our adaptation of The Crazies is reborn. First it begins by ruling out any possibilities of innocence and getting straight to the accusations. All that negativity is fuel to keep us running, to keep the blood boiling. Your legs function like engines pacing back and forth all the while murmering and conjuring a bowl spiteful words that can be thrown on them when it's hot enough to make them burn. Before we know it, we have THE FREAK OUT!
I can't even lie, I have taken part in THE FREAK OUT myself and I unshamedly laughed at myself for acting like a fool. I thought my boyfriend was talking to someone else so I began snooping through his phone, saw something questionable, threw the phone at him and ran off. Obviously, I could have acted like a grown person, sat down and discussed the issue but instead I took the freak out or easy way out.
Overreacting is not necessary at the end of the day and usually it was never as bad as you thought it was. I feel like we're all on syndicated tv, I see the same situations playing out over and over again with the same outcome.
My words of advice:
Just wait and confront the person. Discuss the issue like two mature individuals and reach a conclusion through peace. The next thing I'm about to say is so crucial I gotta put it in all caps so please embrace what i'm about to say....IF YOU EVER FEEL THAT YOUR OTHER HALF IS CHEATING, JUST SIMPLY ASK, DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT. HOW COULD ANYONE WANT TO STAY WITH SOMEONE, KNOWING THEY WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE BY DEFAULT. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LET GO!
what dwells in me, I see the same as it dwells around me in the way the trees sway or the way the clouds move or the way he looks at me. I love when love is brought forth and somehow a miracle is born. I love how powerful and strong it is, driving out hate and its minions by lifting its pinky finger to fling it away. I love that God is love. All I care to end up with when everything else is gone is love...
I Love...
musics' capalities of infinite possibilities: to be either completely worldly and at other times, completely other worldly, depending on what you want it to be at any given moment. You either allow the music to swarm you with emotions, thoughts, or feelings you have suppressed or related to thus bleeding into you the reminders of the pain or bliss you once had or still have. Or its like taking you inside this massive aircraft, transcending you through space and time into a place you’ve never been or felt but you want to. Music makes you feel like you’ve been there. It creates the most vivid pictures, the realest dreams.
I Love...
dance because it is an act of freedom, a declaration to give your limbs utter freedom to move how they wanna move, to do what they wanna do and you will not hinder them but invite them into a place of no rules but to move. There is nothing more satisfying than dancing amongst a crowd of people and one by one, they slowly disappear. Your eyes have closed off the world and all that’s left is you and the music and your limbs interpreting what it hears. Bliss
I Love
the kiss. Every time a new guy entered my life, there was, for me anyway, the anticipation of the first kiss. When it would happen? How it would happen? What if it’s good? What if it’s bad? The over thinking of the inevitable first kiss. Maybe I should give a peck, maybe a little bit of tongue; I would literally drive myself crazy on how to deliver the perfect, memorable kiss.
The build up to it would always give me a little bit of anxiety but the funny part is…literally as soon as my mouth slightly opens and my eyes close, the thinking finally stops. I no longer care and my brain shuts off and my mouth and tongue do what it is in their nature to do. I become a vessel then, accepting what happens from then on out and enjoying the pleasure that follows. It happens this way every time, its comical to me. When the kiss begins, I am completely melted into it. Lips are soft and sensitive (sweet even) so I find it most pleasurable and could do it all night. I’ll never understand why some people don’t like it…
I Love...
nature beacuse of its beauty and I cannot for the life of me take my brown eyes away from it. It captivates me no matter how many times I see the same view, the same scenery. It never gets tired. I could study its nakedness for hours and stare at this honest picture it paints and it never lies and somehow remains effortlessly beautiful…always.
Even a storm looks striking to me. The aftermath of nature could leave a devastating trail behind, leaving many bitter about her, but I just can’t be mad at her. She’s Pandora for sure, she’s just too damn beautiful and I’ll fall for her every time.
I Love...
my family and friends. I have an unrelenting, undeviating, everlasting love for each and every one of them. You would think after all these things I love that somehow I would have a shortage. Trust me when I say even after my family and friends, after everything I’ve listed, I still have a back up love and a back up love to back up that love and so on. In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert from her book Eat, Pray, Love, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!”
Let the record
Stand still
While I give you
My fill
On my mixed up
Dangled emotions
Circulatin’ through
The air and floatin’
Leavin’ you with
A bittersweet taste
One you’ll remember
And can’t erase
My blues have been hidden
In an inner place
But I’m ready to
Reveal those blues
On my pretty face
I held his heart
In my very hand
At that moment I held
The secret to his every plan
I wanted to keep it
For my own satisfaction
Cuz with every action he made
I carried the reaction
The way he used to look at me
Was so sweet and kind
But like darkness that
Overpowers the sunlight
His eyes shifted and I became
Far from a delight
I don’t know what happened
To make him change
But its his mind
Not his heart I blame
I still see the way
He fights with his eyes
Raging a war between
His anger and silent cries
With such passion
I’m askin’
If it was really meant
Between him and I
The only thing I can do
Is recollect and reply
“Some love is just too good to last.”
So I’ll just remember at least
We’ll have the past
Love is the main source
For the blues
Maybe the heart shouldn’t
Be red but blue
Causin’ heartache
With every pulsating beat
We can’t live without it
So the pain we keep
The heart is such
An unpredictable thing
So I understand blues singer
It is the reason why you sing
Every now and again
Don’t be alarmed by my presence
Just know that I got
Those same blues pressin’
So don’t be shocked
That you’re not alone in your sufferin’
Together we can paint the midnight sky
And start colorin’
The whole town
Not red but blue
If I can’t sing
You the blues
I might as well
Write you the tunes
Let the rhythm backslide
So in turn my lyrics might glide
Blues singer you can rest easy tonight
Because it’s the poets turn to
Shine in the spotlight
May I stand to the mic
And say my peace
Cuz poets got blues
We must speak and release
The color of me is not green or purple
Right now I’m colored blue
So please don’t be mad at me
Tonight blues singer
It’s not my voice but my words
That I want to linger
First I wanna kill them softly
And then hit ‘em a little rough
Cuz I want the world to
Hear my frustration
I want my words to
Lead an invasion
And attack your soul
With the pain I feel
Hold you hostage and make you listen
‘Cuz what I feel is real
Only to make you understand
That you’re not alone in your sufferin’
That I too am gettin’ those
Midnight blues and colorin’
The night sky
With not black but blue
We all got
Heartache and pain
Pumping through
These blood thirsty veins
So you see
Blues star
We aren’t too
Much afar
Between the lyrics
You sing and
My words that sting
Sometimes you just
Got to let the blues
Rule as king
I wish I could be patriotic right now. I wish I could hold up my fighting flag and flaunt it in front of life's face and prepare for battle. Instead of running for battle, honestly all I want to do is runaway from battle. I never thought of ever, ever considering throwing up a white flag and I don't count on it but just the fact that I have even fathomed the thought is mind blowing.
I was downtown recently and I stopped by the park just to relax and gain excess to calm and peace(which apparently has been missing in action lately). It seems like ever since I came back from the Dominican Republic, my life seems so out of whack that I don't even know where to begin. It seems like I have a thousand different puzzle pieces mixed in with a thousand different other people's puzzles which are mixed with their own thousand pieces. I feel like I can't put myself back together again. All this patience, time, and effort is needed to do this and I'm loosing concentration.
Today in the park, my mind wondered into an oblivion...a pointless proposition I made with myself. Maybe I thought, I'll just runaway for awhile. I'll runaway with Him because we all know there's a Him. We'll runaway together and forget about the war life has started with me. Just for awhile though, until the war settles down of course.
We can go to that place where peace and calm live permanently so we'll never have to worry. The sun will be there, the moon, and even the stars. Everything will be perfect.
I'm downtown thinking this because I know the place(not really, just so that its far away from here) and I know the guy. But after the wishing and planning...reality B---- slaps me and wakes me the hell up. When did I get so tired? I'm at the ripe age for fighting, for being a soldier and here I am... tired. I'm still at that time in my life where I must fight to get to that place I wanna be. This is the important battle, the battle that's gonna determine if your gonna win the war. After that the battle gets a bit easier because you already fought for what you earned, its just a matter of keeping it.
So I try to keep meditating on Matthew 11:28 "Come ye all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for I am gentle and humble at heart, and I will give you rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (See, I have it memorized so everytime I get shaky, I'll say these words). This simply is keeping me from not falling to pieces...its amazing really. God is truly powerful, slowly energizing me back to life when I could have sworn I checked the battery and noticed it was dead.
I'm undergoing Life's War....and it's pretty much at the stage where the good guy and bad guy have that last scene battle and near the end the bad guy is whooping the good guy. For a minute you almost think the bad guy just might win but we all know that there is something the good guy has that the bad guy doesn't and that's hope. Hope is why your still alive when you should be dead. Hope is why you win the fight when you thought all was lost.
In District America, we are all aliens. Our true eyes have sunken from view and in its place corruption lurks. Face to face, we stand unrecognizable to one another though we are exactly the same. We refuse to find solace in the only place that can provide it. Instead like rampant dogs, we chase that pretty green meat and our razor like jaws eat every piece until nothing remains but our thirsty saliva that even then…we lick dry. In green, there is everything that is envy and greed and with every taste, watch yourself become more malicious…more vindictive…more inhumane.
Side by side, we detest the wealth and filth we created together yet roaming to untainted lands and filling it with the same mess we came from. We are so unaware of the chaos we create and spread that we blame on others until our lies have become true. Because yes we can live with this…this idea that we are much more loving than we truly are. We are a melting pot separated…a jambalaya bland. We fall so far and haven’t realized that we are on the ground dying.
A woman told me that people should always come first but in District America, people come last. We have found that our priorities are like that of an animal, that would rather starve in need of territory than nourish off food to survive. Honestly I’m frightened by our lack of care for one another…our lack of compassion. And I’m talking about genuine and sincere care that seems to a mere thought desired by people but in the end incapable to be obtained. We are like a hand pulling at a string and at first we try to hold on to it. It seems as if our eyes have set on something better even but inturn it is much worse.
Don't lose your humanity and compromise the only thing in this life worth keeping. To live in this world like an alien would be like you were never here...living lost and in constant captivity. Deprived of love, mercy, and compassion would be to me..a life not worth living at all. I will not cry for those who have let themselves be transformed and made so ugly that they have created an outer shell appearing to be marvelous but they are indeed…on the inside….ugly. I will never be that….I promise you
It's a question we quietly contemplate in our minds, secretly pondering the possibilties of the impossible. Hoping that one day when no one is least expecting it, in our ordinary clothes with our ordinary hair, we'll jumb up to the sky with an ephiphany that would shock even "the unavoidable" itself. Filled with shear excitement, every light hidden encased within our flesh is now rushing to breach the skin. Suddenly its radiance bursts through our pores and like a sun, our brightness would cause our friends to squint. The answer would have all bowing down at our feet.
Why?
Sometimes you don't want to deal with the baggage the unavoidable carries with it. Then there's the other factor, you run and you keep running until it eventually catches up with you anyway. And you know the unavoidable won't stop, not until it consumes you with its black laughter ready to take its dark hole and eat you like a hungry evil. Some make it out alive but its unlikely that if you do, you'll be the same you once were. After surviving the unavoidable, it's possible it can make you stronger but I warn you, those who survive have a much higher power on their side. What can combat with the heavy bearings of life also known as the unavoidable.To keep you alive but not just alive but happy and joyful inspite of it all. In my opinion that would be God. You can face the unavoidable by yourself and be a miserable mess from the torture the unavoidable put you through. The battle is always harder when your fighting alone.
So how do we stop it?
This is where I give you my genius all inspiring answer. Do you know the smartest answer I could come up with? Wherever you live, leave to the furthest opposite and find a cave or mountain. Set up shop there. Everyone's unavoidable is different and maybe the Tibeten mountains could relieve you from your Illinois unavoidables or wherever you are. You could be like that guy Daniel Suelo, who lives in a cave because he said with money he was always lacking so to the desert he went and never used money again.
The unavoidable is packed with problems, issues, dilemmas, many factors that can quite frankly be sort of overwhelming. But the caveman attitude is flawed too I'm afraid. Even if you hide across the world...you may not have witnessed the wrath of the unavoidable but oh boy did it reak havoc and left ripples for all your families and friends to gossip about for decades to come. Plus the mountains and caves, as good as it sounded for 2.5 seconds...it just means incredible lonliness, awkward moments with squirrels, or you could end up being chased by a scary breed of predators. Ok, the last one was stretching it but after that movie The Descent, I wouldn't cross it off my list. Makes you think twice about caves you know.
This is where I say I'm sorry Sorry
There's no real answer to avoiding the unavoidable but you probably knew that. I just needed something to write about basically. But I do think about it when I'm so sick of this unavoidable filled with choas that I'm not prepared to deal with. But I guess dealing is better than avoiding because it just fuels the unavoidable to become bigger and blacker that can tear you to pieces until it makes sure you can never recover. So indulging in a question like this for too long is pointless because point blank....you can't.
Muster up all your ammo...your friends, family, your strength, God and do it. Tackle it, fight it in slow motion like those 300 guys and revel in the glory that you chose to fight rather than run...than give up. Even if you just have you and God...thats a powerful power you have on your side and get through it. Trust me its better this why...I wouldn't lie to you.
I feel like I'm a delinquent to fate. Deliberatly disobeying all the rules that were innately embedded in my brain to obey. I was like the good child waiting patiently for fate to unveil the perfect man and as time ticked on, my inner problem child intervined.
I was tired of holding my uppidity head high, walking alone like lonliness never phased me but it did. I had an act of all acts like a vaudeville show. Theatrical so everyone knew where I stood but it was all showy clothes and grand facial expressions, just a mask to hide the inner fear. The fear of disobeying fate. Initially, I denied my want for the immediate now. Inturn, chasing away the men who could mean something...anything to me with my one woman show.
When men looked at me longer than one man should, I would death stare him down until he would be crippled by the knowledge that there was no way in hell I would ever want him. But inside, it was like fuel keeping me running. I desired that attention, wanting one of them to break that part of me down, that part that kept resisting. I decorated my soul with all these images, words, and pictures like a poster hanging inside my heart of what I always wanted. What fate would eventually give to me.
Somwhere in time, moreso recently I think, I snapped and I realized I dont have time for this. All this time I'm waiting but I'm tired. Each day I'm loosing moments without touch, moments without warmth, moments I needed to keep me alive. Having nothing was making me insane so I was ready for someone and I didn't care who the hell he was. All I wanted was a good man who could hold me. Fate was taking to long and I was getting restless. Actually I moved passed restless and moved to the "screw it" phase.
My boyfriend is by any means my ideal man but his thunderous laugh that vibrates my sides, his big soft lips that warm my mouth, and his burly broad chest pillows my head, and arms that make me feel safe... is enough. Right now more than enough. This is what keeps me happy so no....at this moment I don't want to give him up. Fate still witholds from me.
The Beginning and The End always seem to last longer than they should. Even when its over, its brutal undertakings ruin the always short lived inbetweens. That lovely contentment filled middle that never seems to last long enough. I undergo the dreadful Beginning and End...because my soul aches for those inbetweens...
