Being Pure
I was thinking about purity the other day and the first words that popped into my mind where cleanliness, innocence, God, water, and a child. These things came out without thinking but just in an immediate response to purity. Throughout my life, I have attached these specific words in reference to purity to help myself understand what purity is. All this came about in my brain because I was trying to figure out if I had lost my purity somehow. I was always known as the innocent one, the kind/sweet one, the always forgiving one. I never really became annoyed or frustrated by anyone or anything enough to deter this holly jolly journey I was constantly travelling on. It's funny when I think about that girl...many thought I was just naive but a really sweet person referred to me as pure. She quoted a scripture to me and said, "the pure shall see the face of God." That still makes a very bright light burst throughout my body, I think it was the kindest thing anyone has and will ever say to me which is why I remember it and I don't remember much. And then "child" popped back out in my brain again.
Do you ever notice how ridiculously wise and pure a child can be? Children are not yet very complex, everything remains in its simplest form so when they're playing, they don't examine skin color, they see the heart. Your nice, I'm nice, lets play. They forget and forgive within a matter of nano seconds and they love, love, and love. There is no deep analytically dramatic event bearing down, weighing heavy on their soul, figuring out whether they're going to forgive, love, and laugh. "Goodness" is as instinctual as it is natural and sometimes we are able to preserve that while other times we corrupt it. There has always been a part of me that remained childlike and I realized that is it!!!! To preserve your purity, you must always see life through the heart of a child. There's a scripture for this...gotta find it real quick...hold up....
Ok this is what i'm thinking of.. Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
I think of this and it makes sense in some ways, NOT ALL WAYS to become like a child because sometimes we do grow old and tiresome of maintaining that imminent joy residing in us, to maintain the "good" that was effortless as a child; our birthright! We were in the prime of our strength and health, we could do this easily but life tests you more ways then one and after 20-25 years, we get weary... after 30-35 years, we're downright tired and exhausted... 40-55 years, we don't even want to be bothered and 55 years and over, we're beginning to get senile lol. We all go through some bad things in this life but it can't be the dictator, it shouldn't ruin the purity we were all naturally born too. It's not easy to keep it either, its a constant fight, some win and some loose but I believe its never to late to get it back...if you want it. It used to be easy for me but I'm getting older and its getting harder but this makes me believe in God so much more because purity is a gift and it can easily be taken away.
Letting Go
Ughhhhh Sometimes you just gotta LET IT GO. I hear it everywhere. Family members, friends, Oprah, Keyshia Cole. Everybody says the same thing and they are absolutely right! Why I still need three of four times to verify and confirm...I have no idea but I know this when it's time to let it go, you'll know because if its not working the first, second, and third time, you're just playing yourself, the fire, and the balance of life by pretending something should be when its not. Thank our patient and loving God that he is STILL willing to tell us NO in so many different ways because our stubborn behinds are fighting lost causes. I know its hard trying to figure out the difference between fighting for something WORTH fighting for and fighting for something that's not even putting up a fight. We really have to work harder at examining people and situations to know the difference. I'm getting there....
Missing the Past
I'm not sure why I'm thinking about people from the past like if I find them, we'll go back in time together and go back to what we used to be, we'll fix what was wrong, we'll correct out mistakes. Like they're supposed to have this time machine tucked away in their pockets. Oh I know why...because I miss them but of course I will. But hey, the past is the past... I think there's probably some truth to those time movies that suggest if you go back in time and change the past, it will change everything else including your future. Moral of the story is what has happened...happened for a reason and couldn't have happened any other way...because I am still alive. I have to get all Morpheus on you. I love the way he thinks. But seriously, sometimes memories gotta be enough you know.
Appreciating the Present
I love the people in my life now, they're just so damn incredible!!! Always appreciate the present. Always ;)
Getting Back to Work
Working on my second book of poems. I have like six poems to my name right now lol sooooo I really need to step it up!!!! I know its too early to be thinking about this but I'm anxious for another book, I keep thinking , "What if I'm a 1 book wonder???!!!"...I knoooow but I can't help it, I'll get over it tho. Here's a excerpt from one of my new poems called Naked I've written so far. You're the first to see it so here you go....
"I’ve been obscene for days
Twisted up in my own nakedness
Looking down at the darkness spilling over me
As my limbs remain out of place
I sit
cracked and proud
Shattered into a complete picture"
I have a book out already if you didn't know or you didn't read it. Shame on you. It's called Death of a Black Star and its everywhere...Amazon (you can download it on your kindle too!), Barnes and Noble, Sakura-Publishing.com. I hear its pretty good!
