I woke up this morning with the greatest desire to be a kid again. But then again, as a kid we had school, so since childhood we've been conditioned and trained to get up early so why in the hell is it still sooooo hard to get up in the morning. Oh I know why, because I was working until midnight the night before, which as a kid...that wouldn't have happened. Lights were out before nine. I also woke up bright and early to clean the house in preparation for dinner that evening...if I was a kid, moms would have taken care of that. Went to church by 11am and got out around 2:30pm. If I was a kid, I would have fallen asleep in church and been well rested by the time I got home. Had dinner around 4pm with great people and headed to the movies for a late showing. We get older and there's so much more that seems to be going on, the earth is just a spinning top and your left with this dizzy vomiting feeling after looking at it too long. So today I had done what all of us do...simply wanting the earth, time...whatever it is to just stop moving for a second. Push pause so I could just sleep. To indulge in the silence, the halting of time. Unfortunately this too much to ask because 6:30 am quickly find 7:30 am.
Work is bearable but I'm barrelling through it, literally. In a way, those people have no clue who I am because I treat work like a second life. I don't confuse my work life with my outside life. Many of them are clueless to this goofy silly, completely absurd person I am. I almost don't know why I hide who I am to them. But over the years I've come to be more protected over myself and who I show all of me to. I guess the crazier and outlandish I am to you is me trusting you. There are very few people I can honestly say have seen all my layers...and there are a lot of layers. I've almost become complacent with the friends I have so much so, I can see myself retreating from meeting new people and getting to them and vice versa. I don't like that though...
Finally its 6pm, and I might as well have been a gust of wind out the doors I was so ready to leave. I'm walking to the bus stop and I see this Indian guy and I'm wondering if he was the same guy I saw a couple days ago or a week ago...idk, when your not really paying attention but paying some sort attention to bits and pieces its like you get an idea of the puzzle but you just can't form a complete picture to the puzzle. I have no idea why I care about this Indian guy, maybe its the way he looks at me and I'm curious to know what he's thinking. I wonder if he was thinking if I'm the same girl he saw a couple days ago or a week ago.
I dig in my purse to crab a mini-sized york peppermint patty. I had a whole bag full. Wendy got them for me because I like minty candy...and ice cream. We have that in common, I think she tossed them in my room yesterday and I absentmindedly threw them in my bag this morning knowing I wasn't going to have time to pack a lunch...I never do but every night I assume I will. Has yet to happen. I'm at the bus stop and its rainy and gloomy but I take a bite into this york peppermint patty and for some reason this york peppermint patty has ignited this theory that this is what love must feel like....like biting and eating a york peppermint patty.
I dig in my purse to crab a mini-sized york peppermint patty. I had a whole bag full. Wendy got them for me because I like minty candy...and ice cream. We have that in common, I think she tossed them in my room yesterday and I absentmindedly threw them in my bag this morning knowing I wasn't going to have time to pack a lunch...I never do but every night I assume I will. Has yet to happen. I'm at the bus stop and its rainy and gloomy but I take a bite into this york peppermint patty and for some reason this york peppermint patty has ignited this theory that this is what love must feel like....like biting and eating a york peppermint patty.
The taste was fresh, sweet, quick, hard, soft, strong. As I'm writing this, it truly sounds like a bad corny commercial but it was very enlightening lol. I just thought, I want to love like this; experience something immediate.... feel the quickness of love rushing into me as soon as I set my eyes on them. A knowing that this is going be something great. Seriously, have you ever tasted a york peppermint patty, you feel like you just ate the freshest piece of ice from a sacred everglade or something. There's this breathtaking kind of aftertaste your mouth gets from eating a york peppermint patty and its like you took a bite out of the most clean fresh sweet and minty thing that ever existed. Like something pure and untainted. I'm not crazy...I'm just saying...to love, like God loved an undiscovered land when he painted it with snow, ice, water (hence the taste of a york peppermint patty), It would all make sense why love was created in the first place.
By the last bite, I was pondering the question. What if he was the one? What if it was happening now. What if right here and right now, we tasted like this peppermint patty I was eating now? What kind of life would we lead as a black woman and an Indian man? Would I get married in India and have a traditional wedding with beads and bright colors? I was suddenly curious. A part of me wished it was now, finally but a part of me was relieved that it wasn't. That in actuality this man only stood out to me because he was the only one there...I wasn't in awe of him or his looks. He was just a guy and I a girl but I couldn't help wondering...it could of been him. We could have fell in love right there...but we didn't and then the bus came and let me on first.
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| Ummm this is the best I could do lol but I'm kinda proud of myself! |
We both got off the same stop. Weird. Then we proceeded to get on the next bus together..he let me get on first. I sat down but the bus was practically full so he stood with his laptop like a fine piece of Indian china awkwardly on display in a African museum. Somewhere in it all, I became distracted by the other faces and outside the window as I usually do when I looked up and he was gone. I was on 87th and Cottage Grove and it was like he evaporated....like he was never there. Maybe he was just the illusion, the illustration I needed to understand the significance of love while eating my peppermint patty. Whatever it was, he was gone now and just like that, he was gone from my mind and my thoughts.
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