Love After War

At one point, I thought I could say I knew some of the greatest men to ever walk this earth. Me. Little ol me....have seen them with my own eyes (so I thought)...and so to my own comfort I would reassure myself, "It's okay to fall in love here." Somewhere in time, I watched every one of them commit some sort of heinous crime of Jackass-ish proportions that often fell upon most mere men that stood around them. I guess I assumed their promise or that pure place in their heart remained in tact, making them incapable of partaking in such actions that appear "heartless." I'll always understand our humanness, our ability to fall, fail, make mistakes, forever living in imperfection, gradually moving towards it though never really obtaining it. But in my heart of hearts, there is a standard the human soul should rest in and excuses don't cut it. There is a thick line between soulful and soul-less. You can't easily fall between the two, you're either one or the other and intention is everything. No matter how great a man is, with bad intentions, he's the most disappointing thing I'll ever see. My expectations are not unrealistic, good character plus good soul equals special human being. I understand what this kind of man is capable or incapable of and once a capable man does incapable things well he's just your average Joe shmoe never to be more than what you know he could be. At some point, there truth is compromised and their soul forfeited and you just watch them give up this greatness they could of had. IDK...maybe someone broke their heart (maybe I did), maybe they were just tired of being the good guy but its sad when you see the good guy go bad. That happens more with men than women I've noticed. It's like a light switch. One day they turn it off or on... like it's the easiest thing in the world. No matter how cold the world is, I'll never know how you can just decide you'll turn your heart on or off.

Anyway I just happened to notice this with a guy I used to know because I saw him recently lol but I mean it was just great to see him again. It felt like 20 years had passed when in reality, I think maybe three years. That's the way it felt because when you go from being super close to someone to super distant (like galaxies apart) it makes the time apart seem much longer than it really is. The reunion was pretty much great and horrible at the same time because after you see their face, the reality sets in on who they've actually become and suddenly the recognizable is unrecognizable all in one setting. The crazy thing is, no matter how cruel he is from something I did ions ago or how cruel he thinks I am for doing it or how cruel I thought he was for doing things, I'll always love the guy because that's love in its whole-hearted truthfulness. The day I stop loving anyone for what they did or because they stop loving me is the day I no longer understand what love really means...

An ode to Earth...

Happy Earth Day!

Seeing how Earth Day is over soon, I thought I would share this poem I wrote some years ago but just reading it again ignites those same feelings...like I wrote it yesterday. I love how poetry does that. Its like looking at a picture except the words are the picture. My sentiments remain the same and I'm blessed to have eyes to see the vision God has crafted before us. I pray it's beauty never fades and we continue to help grow it, flourish it, and never grow tired of the art it is.

Dear Earth

O sun

How it radiates my face

Let each ray illuminate my skin

Ignite the awakening that has been long coming

I am now a new creature

For I have shed old flesh

Alas, sorrow is no more

I am no longer gripped

With the pain that shadowed me

The sun has blessed its light upon my face

I am free

O wind

How it whispers sweet breaths past my neck

Allow me to recollect on its touch and gentleness

Your breeze is never too much yet barely enough

Our unspoken harmony is too perfect for even the birds to sing

Your presence is liberation unto my soul

Your air is honeyed like bright blossoms on a noon day

Every piece of me is revived

Restoration has begun

And I am alive

Lush green gardens fulfill my breath

Mediterranean waters yearn for my soul

The Himalayan Mountains await my arrival

But alas, it is Africa I hear crying out for me

Come child she calls

Where do I go when I hear the earth calling my name

To the soil where creation birth forth

As the mud paints my hands

The voices of ancestors spill before me

Their tongues never sleep

The very sound makes me fluorescent

And I am made warm by its essence

O, the glow I have taken on

As bright as the moon amongst the darken night

My God, have I grasped a hold of happiness by accident

Hurt fails to hover over me

It does not chase me anymore

I am but joyous

The Earth has embraced me so

Like a mother to her first born

She has placed me to her bosom

I am eternally hers

She is the sky

And I her cloud

God is made proud in this moment

All that is his

Has found love in one another

In the end, we are all gifts

Designed to celebrate each other

Though when I lay my eyes on this majestic mother we call earth

I swear by it

I have never laid eyes on anything more beautiful than her 

I Just Thought You Should Know...

...and so my brain is clogged. I can just imagine what it looks like inside. I already  know the X-Ray would show my head filled up and overwhelmed with words...thoughts, decisions, problems. No wonder I have no where to begin and  no where to end. I need to de-clog this mess and throw it all into the viral trash can known as the Internet so whatever is resting there, forming minions and things can finally exit stage right and PEACE, BE GONE! Its not even like I'm purposefully trapping everything in there, I just forget that in order for me remain sane....I gotta write it out in order to free my mind, let it go and officially move on. It's my therapy I guess because I'm potentially writing myself through it and solving my own freaking problems....for free!!! Soooooo here we go.......    

Being Pure

I was thinking  about purity the other day and the first words that popped into my mind where cleanliness, innocence, God, water, and a child. These things came out without thinking but just in an immediate response to purity. Throughout my life, I have attached these specific words in reference to purity to help myself understand what purity is. All this came about in my brain because I was trying to figure out  if I had lost my purity somehow. I was always known as the innocent one, the kind/sweet one, the always forgiving one. I never really became annoyed or frustrated by anyone or anything enough to deter this holly jolly journey I was constantly travelling on. It's funny when I think about that girl...many thought I was just naive but a  really sweet person referred to me as pure. She quoted a scripture to me and said, "the pure shall see the face of God." That still makes a very bright light burst throughout my body, I think it was the kindest thing anyone has and will ever say to me which is why I remember it and I don't remember much. And then "child" popped back out in my brain again.
Do you ever notice how ridiculously wise and pure a child can be? Children are not yet very complex, everything remains in its simplest form so when they're playing, they don't examine skin color, they see the heart. Your nice, I'm nice, lets play. They forget and forgive within a matter of nano seconds and they love, love, and love. There is no deep analytically dramatic event  bearing down, weighing heavy on their soul, figuring out whether they're going to forgive, love, and laugh. "Goodness" is as instinctual as it is natural and sometimes we are able to preserve that while other times we corrupt it.  There has always been a part of  me that remained childlike and I realized that is it!!!! To preserve your purity, you must always see life through the heart of a child. There's a scripture for this...gotta find it real quick...hold up....

Ok this is what i'm thinking of.. Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."   

I think of this and it makes sense in some ways, NOT ALL WAYS to become like a child because sometimes we do grow old and tiresome of maintaining that imminent joy residing in us, to maintain the "good" that was effortless as a child; our birthright! We were in the prime of our strength and health, we could do this easily but life tests you more ways then one and after 20-25 years, we get weary... after 30-35 years, we're downright tired and exhausted... 40-55 years, we don't even want to be bothered and 55 years and over, we're beginning to get senile lol. We all go through some bad things in this life but it can't be the dictator, it shouldn't ruin the purity we were all naturally born too. It's not easy to keep it either, its a constant fight, some win and some loose but I believe its never to late to get it back...if you want it. It used to be easy for me but I'm getting older and its getting harder but this makes me believe in God so much more because purity is a gift and it can easily be taken away.                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Letting Go

Ughhhhh Sometimes you just gotta LET IT GO. I hear it everywhere. Family members, friends, Oprah, Keyshia Cole. Everybody says the same thing and they are absolutely right! Why I still need three of four times to verify and confirm...I have no idea but I know this when it's time to let it go, you'll know because if its not working the first, second, and third time, you're just playing yourself, the fire, and the balance of life by pretending something should be when its not. Thank our patient and loving God that he is STILL willing to tell us NO in so many different ways because our stubborn behinds are fighting lost causes. I know its hard trying to figure out the difference between fighting for something WORTH fighting for and fighting for something that's not even putting up a fight. We really have to work harder at examining people and situations to know the difference. I'm getting there....

Missing the Past

I'm not sure why I'm thinking about people from the past like if I find them, we'll go back in time together and go back to what we used to be, we'll fix what was wrong, we'll correct out mistakes. Like they're supposed to have this time machine tucked away in their pockets. Oh I know why...because I miss them but of course I will. But hey, the past is the past... I think there's probably some truth to those time movies that suggest if you go back in time and change the past, it will change everything else including your future. Moral of the story is what has happened...happened for a reason and couldn't have happened any other way...because I am still alive. I have to get all Morpheus on you. I love the way he thinks. But seriously, sometimes memories gotta be enough you know.

Appreciating the Present

I love the people in my life now, they're just so damn incredible!!! Always appreciate the present. Always ;)

Getting Back to Work

Working on my second book of poems. I have like six poems to my name right now lol sooooo I really need to step it up!!!! I know its too early to be thinking about this but I'm anxious for another book, I keep thinking , "What if I'm a 1 book wonder???!!!"...I knoooow but I can't help it, I'll get over it tho. Here's a excerpt from one of my new poems called Naked I've written so far. You're the first to see it so here you go....

"I’ve been obscene for days

Twisted up in my own nakedness

Looking down at the darkness spilling over me

As my limbs remain out of place

I sit

cracked and proud

Shattered into a complete picture"

I have a book out already if you didn't know or you didn't read it. Shame on you. It's called Death of a Black Star and its everywhere...Amazon (you can download it on your kindle too!), Barnes and Noble, Sakura-Publishing.com. I hear its pretty good!  

A Lesson Before Valentine's Day...

I trained myself very early on in life to never chase a man...esp if he's not chasing me. No matter how much I wanted to and Lord knows I did, something inside me always whispers "just let em go Sharday". I keep thinking about that scene in "My Bestfriend's Wedding" where Julia Robert's best friend says," Honey if your chasing him and he's chasing her, who's chasing you!" It was like an "AHA" moment and I never wanted to be that girl, constantly running like a fool  for love. Don't get me wrong, I have my issues-I'm a falling fool. I fall easily and deeply too many times BUT if it ends, it ends and I resume to my regular scheduled program. I look at it as it was good while it lasted but its over now and  NOW I  can't let it takeover my mind. After all the drama I've witnessed and experienced I have something to prove to myself, that I must find true happiness inside myself because I was not going to run to the ends of the earth for a man that felt no need to do the same for me. Why waste so much time giving so much love to someone not meant to have it anyway and suddenly that becomes your life, that IS your life. Sometimes I was mistaken as being cold-hearted or that I didn't care which stings a bit because it couldn't be further from the truth. I'll always care more than I'll like to admit but I played tug of war with my emotions, understanding that the heart is deceitful at times, pulling at you to feel something, anything whether those emotions are good or bad. The heart seeks out the passions and disasters, the pleasures and the pains, the wins along with the losses. It's not meant to be your conscious, it only shows you your humanity. The hearts job is to make you feel everything! Essentially my happiness relies on me so whether I'm single or not...it will always exist within me. One day I had to discover love for myself, I had to discover the love of myself. I will never depend on anyone for the sake of my happiness because no one is responsible for my happiness but my own and  frankly that's exactly the way it should be. I love the fact that I can be with someone and without a doubt know it can be over tomorrow and my life won't be any less sweeter or happier. Not to say it  won't hurt because it does, I am human but it won't dictate me at the end of the day, it won't make or break me. I have to realize I'll be okay and understand that a knight in shiny armor might not come and THAT is okay too. Living off the love of someone else is bound to fail because once its gone your link to love is gone because you never made it a priority to allow itself to root in you. The person  you were with  was your source so you chase after it to get it back, you'll do whatever it takes to know it again. You end up doing things you never thought you would do and it still doesn't work and now your depressed, lost because the love you thought was forever wasn't so forever. Lovers will come and go but love is its own separate entity and will remain once everything fades to black so find that and no one will determine your happiness...not even man.

Sharday Was Here

Every now and again, your eyes on some random walk will scan a short message; an engraving left by an unknown stranger. You'll see it on the cement road, the center of a tree trunk, on the corner of your desk from high school, the last page of your yearbook, in the closet of your new home, a bathroom stall. A brief message that someone was here...exactly where you are now. Someone from yesterday or possibly from 20 years ago but someone wanted to be remembered by anyone who cared enough to read it. For  a moment, your mind travels through the possibilities of who this person was, who they could have been and you wonder where they are now? Are they still alive? For a moment, you wish you could know this person because whatever journey your on now, they were on it too. When I see those messages, I want to believe they made it through life okay, that they became everything they wanted to and seeing their messages made me believe their journey was mine now and I  too was going the right way. I think we live to leave our permanent message behind...our mark on society that says we were here. I can't think of anything else I would want more than this and why it's so important to me I can 't  quite figure out just yet. Once I finished my book Death of a Black Star and it was officially published, I was fulfilled and relieved because I knew that was my mark. It was my "Sharday was here" message that I was leaving behind. This world in short is madness as it should be. It will show you who are in the best and worst of times and many of us including myself look forward to the afterlife when much of the pain long endured on this earth is over. At the same time your triumph stems from your tragedy so I want this life to take its time with me. I don't want to leave here anytime soon but once I do, rest assure I'm leaving a piece of my soul behind

I WAS HERE!!!!

           

"What you know about dreams..."

I am fresh out of the publishing oven writing my first book of poetry called DEATH OF A BLACK STAR. I’m excited, not just for me but Sakura Publishing as well. I mean you have Dan Picone’s poetry book, LOST EVIDENTS! Also on Black Friday along with my book, Kris Campbell’s work, entitled, THE GLASS GIRL, will also be available for sale. On December 3rd, Sakura Publishing will release Brian Gansmann’s DEFEAT WHEAT: YOUR GUIDE TO ELIMINATING GLUTEN AND LOSING WEIGHT and lastly, available now Stephanie Goldman’s DID I REALLY DO MY HAIR FOR THIS? Buy these great books today!!!

http://www.sakura-publishing.com/books.php

Now before I get all deep like I ususally do I have to say, this journey has been a great one at that and I’ve enjoyed this whole process immensly. You want to write a book, hey…I know a guy. Sakura Publishing is where it’s at!

www.sakura-publishing.com

In the process of writing this book, I do that thing I do. I think, I reflect, I share. Soooo here I go…..

We all have dreams. Whether they’re good or bad, inspirational or depressing, whatever it is, we each possess our own that caters to our own individuality. We are complex creatures so how we view, obtain, or reach for those dreams all differ.

I remember when I believed dreams to be unobtainable. That the dream was to dream because that was all it could ever be. I flourished as a daydreamer, loosing myself in the fantasy of things. When you’re young it’s the most beautiful escape from the conformity you work so hard to be a part of. It’s not so much you wanted it as it was the feeling you needed to have it. Like it was the initiation to normalcy before you came to the understanding that there was no such thing. You wanted to blend in, you wanted to be liked. My earlier dreams where of love. I would lean forward with a slouched sloppiness onto my desk as my head rested in my hands and dream of the men I loved who I could pretend loved me back. Oh sweet adolescence… how I don’t miss you at all.

As I got a little older though still quite young and foolish, I concluded my dreams would come to me. I assumed if I wanted my dreams, well they wanted me just the same. All I had to do was just sit there. Relaxed and lazy atop of a big green hill and wait for it like a hurried wind. My dreams would envelop me as I sat there almost famous. I wanted to be a singer, an actress, a celebrity. I wanted to be somebody rather than nobody and nothing makes you feel more like a nobody than living in a small town. You feel like there’s only one dream worth having…as long as it involves being rich or famous. Those sorts of dreams appear most unrealistic to small town folk so it’s almost always more desirable to strive for what most people see as impossible. Who doesn’t want to prove everyone wrong? But I was young and still uncomfortable in my own skin and completely unaware of my real dreams.

College came and went like the perfect voyage. Some days it felt like there was no end in sight and other days you could see glimpses of possibilities. And then finally, there she is…graduation. Then the reality sets in and the uncertainty you feel, wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But somehow you know it was all necessary no matter the outcome because it was the journey of joys and struggles that made the adventure worthwhile. You found out who you really were. In college I found out about my dreams, my real dreams. It really wasn’t about finding the perfect major or finding that great job that’s gonna make me millions of dollars. I guess my life would be much easier if it was. I fell in love with men and it never really worked out. I took classes I really didn’t care about but I had this one thing that surpassed it all….writing. Nothing really seemed to make me happier and poetry was the most of these. I needed college to figure that out…I just wish it didn’t cost me so much money.

I realized my dreams weren’t unobtainable and I knew I couldn’t wait for them either. I knew that if I put forth the effort to seek my dreams out then fate would have a much harder time denying me of what was rightfully mine. Eventually, if you work hard enough, the thing you were meant to do will eventually take hold of you as long as you keep reaching out for it. For the past 5 years, the only dream I can remember having is writing a book and now I’m seeing that dream come true. It’s like reality met my dream world in which they’ve inexplicably collided and have come to comfortably exist within one another. I’m really happy about this.

I have something to say and writing was the venue I was given to say what I must. It’s amazing the gifts we’re given and the need to share it to the world. Whether you’re a basketball player working towards a championship, an activist fighting for justice, or a writer publishing a book, we need YOU out there to be a part of it. I’m hungry for the reader, the stranger who will read my words and love it. For the reader who will want more of me because they understand or because they can relate or even because it makes them want to do something about it. It’s about my impact on you and the emotions I can evoke out of you.

My book is here and I’ve reached a dream as I know you will yours. There are a many more to be realized and more accomplishments to be reached by all of us because there is always a beginning and never a ending when you get the hang of it, just unfinishing’s.

DEATH OF A BLACK STAR will be released on Black Friday (11-25-11)!!!! You can pre-order it today!

http://www.sakura-publishing.com/books.php

My Life Be Like...

Ahhhhh, where do I even begin? Is there even a beginning to begin with? Life is constant, forever moving and your permanently moving amidst the in betweens forgetting what happened at first or what happens in the end. I'm moving, lost in the sky again. I keep telling people to look at the sky but they keep giving me that crazy Sharday stare wondering what's the big deal. It appears while every one's being normal, I've got my head in the clouds yet again. I was just telling Gabby and Wendy..."Where did 2011 go???" Honestly I have no idea, it came like a gust of wind and all too quickly it left just the same, leaving me a bit speechless and chilly from the cold it left behind. I feel like 2011 just stood me up or did I stand 2011 up? Either way, we didn't care enough to figure out who wronged who, we were somehow still satisfied in whatever conclusion came out of it because here I am...still alive and still blessed because I am alive. There ARE of course some highlights but that's neither here nor there...at least not until December 31st who welcomes self reflection and life recaps with a box of Kleenex and a brand new year.

So what's been up? Nuthin, jus chillin! I got a book comin out soon and I'm gonna be pushin that book like a hustla trying to sell a cheap gold chain!!!!......except this book is not a cheap gold chain AT ALL. *I'm smiling* What is enclosed in this book is the me that nobody sees or knows because there's something about the pen that I can't stop confiding in and the paper just listens, always listening. I could go on and on cuz I'm weird like that but it's simple...I can write better than I speak and once you read this book, you'll definitely agree. It's a natural thing like love, you're not supposed to get it, you feel it and you follow it. I'm excited because it took a team and man, did I get a dream team. All our efforts paid off and we truly created something to be proud of. Awwww man, I can't wait!!!!!

I finally watched something educational on Netflix but it had sex in the title so does that even count. I hope it counts. It's gotta count. Anyway, it was interesting to me for A many of reasons. The video talked about how the subtlest sounds, sights and smells and how it can affect sex appeal, and the genetic, hormonal and neurological factors which can create sparks between people. During the video I had my "yeeeah right" moments and then those "hmmm oh really" moments or the "well that makes sense" moments. One of the studies talked about how we are attracted not to the lopsided face but to the equal sided face, which is good to know because if I fell in love with the man trapped downstairs in the Goonies movie, I would be so ticked OFF! Another study traced where men's eyes go when they look at a woman which they focus on the hips of all places. They say its because the bigger the hip, the more mature...past puberty mature and you're pretty much baby ready.

I found the studies during a woman's ovulation interesting because apparently we talk higher, we look younger, and we just rope em on in! I guess I was curious because when I'm out about going to work, there's always a man trying to get SOMETHING. Your phone number, a date, a name, an age, if you have a boyfriend....all these questions I don't feel like answering especially to some stranger. But I would wonder, what is it about me that makes you want me so badly, that makes you act so persistently. Ok, there's the obvious man wants sex but for the one's that's deeper than that, it is a curious thing to know what that "thing" is exactly that is drawing this particular person to you.

Ok, what else??? "...we're going to skate to one song...one song only." Except me Gabby ride to it every time we go out and put it on repeat. "No one knows what it means but its provocative." And may I add addicting. Gotta love Ye and Jay for that one...."And they going gorillas HUH!"

I swear the crazies on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...
So its about 9am when I get on the 381 bus headed east towards the Dan Ryan and I have my headphones on to tune the crazies out but one episode occurred where I turned the music off to let the crazies in! This poor child on the bus which I'm assuming he had autism or some socially corrupted quality because he blew my mind. At first I didn't have my headphones on but this kid, who was with his father, was talking extremely loud and obnoxious to him about a game maybe, an adventure, some sort of dreamworld he was recounting. His father looked ahead calmly and zombie-like as if he heard it before, completely undisturbed by his sons overwhelming loudness. I mean it wasn't cute like "ooh look at the little boy telling a sweet little made up story." No it was like "somebody tell this kid to shut the bleep up." He was probably 8 or 9 years old and as he was screaming, he spread out the newspaper in front of him like it was a map and he looked up at his father "...And then there was the waterfall...And the monster....Who was trying to catch me....And that's why I don't go there anymore....its dangerous...I don't trust that place." I put my headphones on. An old lady comes on the bus and she's this precious sweet looking old woman and she she scoots her way to the first seat closest to her which is where this little boy is sitting. The father quickly grabs his son and places him a seat over so the old woman can sit down. The boy snaps. I take my headphones off. "I don't want her to sit down right here, Why can't she move, " he whines loudly. The poor lady sits there contemplating if she should just move. Every one's looking at this point including myself. You would think by now, it wouldn't phase me but this kid was kind of entertaining. So the father tries shushing him saying "C'mon now, don't act like that. Stop, don't be like that." He was so calm about it that I figured this must happen a lot because at this point, if that was me and my mother. My jaw would have been on one end of the bus and my tongue at the other end while pieces of my teeth would be scattered throughout the entire bus.

Then the kid yells MAN! AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SLAP SOMEBODY ON THIS BUS! DOES SOMEBODY NEED ME TO SLAP THEM! I kid you not, he looks at this old woman and says, "LADY! AM I GONNA HAVE TO SLAP YOU!" My mouth dropped. I literally had to pick it up off the floor. My usual poker face was gone and I was like, is this kid for real. The kid calms down after a minute and starts pretending to write in the newspaper. He's trying to show his dad something and as he dad picks up the paper. The kid snaps again. "AWWW MAN, you ripped my paper, how could you rip my paper, now I can't use this." The newspaper drops. "DAMN!" He yells. He eventually calms down and I know the dad is relieved and he even coughs a chuckle because sometimes when ya can't cry, you laugh. I just felt like that kid needed some medical attention because that was crazy but that's my crazies on the bus story. Gotta Love it.

I'm one of those extra complicated girls who dated some guys, fell in love with some guys but really somehow only ended up having one real boyfriend. When I really analyze my love life, there was really one boy where there was a definite claim to fame. I am his and she is mine. There was a title-He boyfriend and I girlfriend. We went on dates, we did things as a couple, we held hands. You know all that gushy and annoying stuff people who are together do. Yea well he's coming to my neck of the woods around Thanksgiving and I'm excited because a part of me is still desperate for some sort of friendship between us. We self destructed some years ago and never really put ourselves back together again. We would just occasionally kick the pieces around to see if the limbs still moved and then continue on her own paths that never really lead back to each other. I have a soft spot for him but then again I'll always have a soft spot for anyone that has some sort of significant meaning in my life. I'll never be able to let anyone go completely because once I love you, I love you for good. What do I want from him? I don't know, I guess I just thought we would still be friends and I don't know why that bothers me so much. I also fear he hasn't changed and he just wants what all men wants. To get what they "want" even if that "want" is the right "want". Ahhh, I'm thinking too much. It's 1:45 am, I should only be thinking this deeply about chocolate or ice cream. I would really like to see him though, that would make me happy.

I was gonna talk about something else involving men but it's still too weird. Sorry, its not me its you. Excuse me, I meant its not you its me. Sorry maybe next time.

I recently got drunk off Ebay for a couple of nights hence the great costume I found for a really really cheap price that I looooove by the way. Why am I so late about finding out about all this great stuff. Lets just say there were some nights I was clued to the computer eyes wide open, stone faced, typing and clicking. Occasionally, I would drop my eyes to the time on the bottom right corner: 12:40, 2:15, 5:50. It was getting pretty insane until I didn't really read the fine print about bidding and won a bid I did not want to win. Then it was Boooo ebay on to the next great addiction.

Hmmm, I like that Rihanna we found love. Song annnnnd video I'm afraid. Don't understand why people are tripping about the video. I think it's honest, an artful portrayal of a destructive relationship. Its like any addict who's addicted to drugs or alcohol, last time I checked that was reality. It's chaotic, sporadic, hectic, sad, painful, pleasurable....all the things that make up love and war. I guess I'm ending on that video...its 2:10 am goodnight!